Keep Bleeding Keep Keep Bleeding Love

You cut me open and I.....

I think I have consumed all the depression there is to consume in the world and there is nothing left of it for anyone to use.

What to do? I love him. He doesn't love me. We went out twice only but I just can't get him out of my mind. I keep eating chocolate and smoking instead. And blogging about it of course.

You see, I love using some guy I barely know as a hook to hang all my issues on. No, I would rather not confront the real source of problems in my life. Hiding behind our breakup is way safer and more dramatic and entertaining. Or else, what would I blog about?

Fixing Your Comment Problems

Ever wondered why the traffic on your blog isn't as high as you want it to be?
Ever wondered how you can solve this difficult crisis?

Well, let me share my solution with you.. for I have tried to write about every single topic there is to write about in the world.. from financial issues to the hue of my toe nail.. I tried so hard, stayed up so many nights, typing and typing, and I still hadn't reached where I want..

My dear jolly friends, let me present to you my marvelous solution for getting the spotlight to shine on YOU and only YOU:
COMMENTS!
Yes, comments..
On every blog and every corner in the Internet.. i comment, thus i shine.. small, big, shallow, deep comments.. they make me feel.. ALIVE! it works like MAGIC!

YAAAY I just checked the aggregator and there's a new post.. i have to go COMMENT now..

ps: please don't forget to comment on this post

like "ree7tich like 3looch"!! hehe LOL :-)

We were in class, he was ga3ed next to me. Ou like, faj2a, like, gam he screamed PINKYYYYYY!!!!! I was like *weh* *sh9ayer il yom* *weh* whaaaat He said like reeeeeee7tich 3looooch. I was like I like said hahahehe what does that mean? He like was like like: maaaaadray, chena 3loooooch madry shino. hahehe sniff sniff kint a3lech 3looch ou shakla sham il ree7a weeeeee LOL

9ara7a my friends and i are the lamest/weirdest on earth!

hehe 3loooooch

mental note: i should just shoot myself. my ignorance to how racist i am is a reason enough to do so.

Today's Rotten Tomato Gallery

A word for the wise: choose your words and ideas CAREFULLY!!

What happened to the Bahraini bloggers today? The feed was filled with dismal entries. Here is my pick for today's Rotten Tomato Gallery, which include the worst entries for today. Just to be fair, they are not listed in any particular order.

1. Rant: Female Attractiveness from emoodz
Interesting how the title is about female attractiveness, but the accompanying image is of some guy (could be the blog's author himself) teasing us in his designer undies. Someone needs to take it easy on his Mayor Arnold complex (yet another wonderful Republican). Remember, it's the girls who choose their men at the end of the day; they don't care what "manly men" have to say about their choices in partners.

2. Ali Bahar.. the Masterclass in Bahraini Music (1) from Yaqoob's Dome
Classic first line to attract readers.

Recently many of Bahrain’s local newspapers including Al-Watan and Akhbar Al-Khaleej have run articles about Ali Bahar’s latest crisis, being which that he has been in hospital for almost a month because he has Sickle blood cell disease better known in Bahrain as سكلر, contrary to rumours saying that he has HIV (WTF?)

I didn't know there were people who actually read Al-Watan, let alone that it still exists after some juicy scandal mentioned some of its employees in passing.

As for the "contrary to rumours", well, HIV is not the actual DISEASE. It causes a person's immune system to collapse, and so, Sickle cell disease is not something contrary to HIV. It could be one of its results. Or it could have existed before HIV (theoretically speaking, of course). I am no medic, so correct me if I am wrong.

Oh and one more thing; what's with the video choice? The guy sleeps with his guitar, takes it on rides to Adhari Park (I think) and watches his brand new guitar from Moon Store in Sooq Al-Manama spin around at deadly speeds with a grin on his face. More of a dry wet dream than anything worth being called master-class.

I am dreading Ali Bahar.. the Masterclass in Bahraini Music (2)!

3. PS3 Prices Drop in Bahrain from Redbelt
Ah, genius.

This is of course great news. Sony is doing exactly the suggestions I previously wrote in my March next gen forcast. They seems to be on the brink of a reform which can very much be very successful.

Yes, GIANT electronic companies take the time to scan your blog for suggestions on how to improve their business strategy. If they did, that would technically be theft. But if they didn't, don't be too disappointed.

Ponder Thrice, Madame

The lame blogger gets the attention of the shallow
True.. but
.
.
.
.
.
.
the lamer blogger gets chickspenned!
Keep that in mind..

Soosoo

Time to make soosoo! Recently i'm loving making soosoo.. it's so liberating! I guess this is the best thing to do since i'm out of meaningless topics to post about!

Bahrainis Caught Having Sex in New Seef Section

I’m so boring. I constantly try to write long and meaningful posts about hot topics only because I ache for people to leave comments on my blog. Even if most of them are angry at me.

I know that people fall asleep when they read my articles. Even I fall asleep when I write them. Two days ago I woke up with my face stuck to the keyboard. When I went to work the next day my colleagues thought I had sex in the office the night before. I wish I had, but girls don’t go out with me, especially when they read my boring blog.

I try to spice my blog up by commenting on hot topics from the local newspapers. For some reason my readers still fall asleep.

Maybe I can convince alternative medicine practitioners to sponsor me.

But I would rather write another boring post.

(did you like my catchy title?)

A Love Letter

Dear Steve,

As I type this on my baby, my Macbook Pro, I can't help but think how miserable the world would be without your revolutionary ideas and far-sighted vision. My iPhone just arrived today, and it is truly a piece of art. It is like the David of cellphones. In fact, I think it's in a league of its own; calling it a cellphone is an understatement. I can't believe the haters claim that the design is stolen from the Prada phone. I've seen that thing and apart from the huge screen they are nothing alike. It doesn't even have OSX. But what can you do, haters gonna hate and players gonna play!

Steve, although I am in Bahrain, I was not gonna wait for 2 more years until I get an iPhone (they only got the Blackberry last year!!! Can you believe it?!) Trust me, I wanted to be one of those people lined up for days in front of the Apple Store so bad, but I guess I will save it for your next invention ;). Instead, I - well, my lovely parents! - shelled more than $1000 dollars for the iPhone and the AT&T contract plus shipping. It sounded crazy to many of my friends and work colleagues, especially since I will have to pay international calling rates, but Batelco sucks anyway! And I know deep in their hearts they are burning with jealousy. Plus, It would go so well with my new Porsche Carrera that daddy got me for my 23rd birthday :D 

Oh Steve, I seriously had an iOrgasm once my eyes laid on it. It is the smooth outline, the sophisticated simplicity, and the plethora of choices that were never seen before are now right in my hands!  I feel like I'm Aladdin and I found my magical Lamp. Steve, you are my genie in an iPhone. Marry me please!!!

Love 4ever,

Chick xxxxx

P.S. Even if you made a robot that shits i'd get it. You can do no wrong in my eyes :)

P.S.S. Microsoft sucks. Vista is utter crap! Don't get me wrong though, I have never used it. As if!

Forever Together Best Friends I Love You

I’m so bored
I don’t have a life
I copy-paste fwds from my work inbox
Because I am bored
I don’t have a life
I chose a very new topic today
I will talk about friends.
Love of friends
Care of friends
Sweet touch of friends
Music in the eyes of friends
Please, everyone be my friend
I am a good friend
I’ll do anything you want
I promise

I am writing a pointless entry that will add nothing to no one and I am reflecting no depth in thought whatsoever and I can’t even spell. I am embarrEsed, the email did wOke me up and I should not procastinate. My friend you will always be in my heart and I would also like to thank my other friends and their friends for being my friends in friendship, for ever and ever. Oh and I'm still stuck in the previous century.

"I love you
You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug
And a kiss from me to you
Won't you say you love me too?"

How I fell in love with B.B. Mattoo

I was driving my feathered buggy - a vehicle that would easily eclipse the spectacle projected by any batmobile - through the streets of Namana (not to be confused with a city with a similar name) when someone threw a bar of chocolate, spiked with actual spikes, and punctured the three lonely wheels of my chicky-mobile.

To my rescue came B.B., son of a Mr. MATTOO.

This was the first time in which I felt utter.... capriccioso. I also thought that his name was very becoming for a crayon parrot and agreed to date him when he finally asked me out three weeks later (just as I was ready to give up on waiting for him to ask).