Bahrainis Caught Having Sex in New Seef Section

I’m so boring. I constantly try to write long and meaningful posts about hot topics only because I ache for people to leave comments on my blog. Even if most of them are angry at me.

I know that people fall asleep when they read my articles. Even I fall asleep when I write them. Two days ago I woke up with my face stuck to the keyboard. When I went to work the next day my colleagues thought I had sex in the office the night before. I wish I had, but girls don’t go out with me, especially when they read my boring blog.

I try to spice my blog up by commenting on hot topics from the local newspapers. For some reason my readers still fall asleep.

Maybe I can convince alternative medicine practitioners to sponsor me.

But I would rather write another boring post.

(did you like my catchy title?)

A Love Letter

Dear Steve,

As I type this on my baby, my Macbook Pro, I can't help but think how miserable the world would be without your revolutionary ideas and far-sighted vision. My iPhone just arrived today, and it is truly a piece of art. It is like the David of cellphones. In fact, I think it's in a league of its own; calling it a cellphone is an understatement. I can't believe the haters claim that the design is stolen from the Prada phone. I've seen that thing and apart from the huge screen they are nothing alike. It doesn't even have OSX. But what can you do, haters gonna hate and players gonna play!

Steve, although I am in Bahrain, I was not gonna wait for 2 more years until I get an iPhone (they only got the Blackberry last year!!! Can you believe it?!) Trust me, I wanted to be one of those people lined up for days in front of the Apple Store so bad, but I guess I will save it for your next invention ;). Instead, I - well, my lovely parents! - shelled more than $1000 dollars for the iPhone and the AT&T contract plus shipping. It sounded crazy to many of my friends and work colleagues, especially since I will have to pay international calling rates, but Batelco sucks anyway! And I know deep in their hearts they are burning with jealousy. Plus, It would go so well with my new Porsche Carrera that daddy got me for my 23rd birthday :D 

Oh Steve, I seriously had an iOrgasm once my eyes laid on it. It is the smooth outline, the sophisticated simplicity, and the plethora of choices that were never seen before are now right in my hands!  I feel like I'm Aladdin and I found my magical Lamp. Steve, you are my genie in an iPhone. Marry me please!!!

Love 4ever,

Chick xxxxx

P.S. Even if you made a robot that shits i'd get it. You can do no wrong in my eyes :)

P.S.S. Microsoft sucks. Vista is utter crap! Don't get me wrong though, I have never used it. As if!

Forever Together Best Friends I Love You

I’m so bored
I don’t have a life
I copy-paste fwds from my work inbox
Because I am bored
I don’t have a life
I chose a very new topic today
I will talk about friends.
Love of friends
Care of friends
Sweet touch of friends
Music in the eyes of friends
Please, everyone be my friend
I am a good friend
I’ll do anything you want
I promise

I am writing a pointless entry that will add nothing to no one and I am reflecting no depth in thought whatsoever and I can’t even spell. I am embarrEsed, the email did wOke me up and I should not procastinate. My friend you will always be in my heart and I would also like to thank my other friends and their friends for being my friends in friendship, for ever and ever. Oh and I'm still stuck in the previous century.

"I love you
You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug
And a kiss from me to you
Won't you say you love me too?"

How I fell in love with B.B. Mattoo

I was driving my feathered buggy - a vehicle that would easily eclipse the spectacle projected by any batmobile - through the streets of Namana (not to be confused with a city with a similar name) when someone threw a bar of chocolate, spiked with actual spikes, and punctured the three lonely wheels of my chicky-mobile.

To my rescue came B.B., son of a Mr. MATTOO.

This was the first time in which I felt utter.... capriccioso. I also thought that his name was very becoming for a crayon parrot and agreed to date him when he finally asked me out three weeks later (just as I was ready to give up on waiting for him to ask).

My Beautiful Garden

Samsara

In the first day of my reincarnation, I visited my old body

the wrinkles became deltas

the pores turned to budding trees

and the folds transformed to canyons

In the first day of my reincarnation, I visited my old body

the maggot was crowned king

the rocks were built into castles

and the sand was as light as air

The material life ends

The material world remains

My Banana Walnut Poem

You're shallow. You're empty. You stuff your face in a dish of halwa and you leave it.
You fart. You glide. You snort. You fart. You snore. You think to yourself, why do I call myself a writer? In this island where one ought to educate themselves more before crowning themselves as intellectual?You only think about what’s in front of your eyes. Your coffee is your border. Your halwa is your pleasure. You’re a poor soul. Your world is limited. You're lost in the dream you think you live in. How it formulates itself to the heat.
You say so many things that might sound deep if they actually were. You’re lost. You’re confused. Are you enjoying this? Is it what you wanted to do today? Do you often look up words in the thesaurus in order to sound sophisticated?
You have another piece of that halwa. It’s been 4.56 minutes since you've sat. 2.369 since you've cut it. You rest your arm on the hardback book next to your mug in order to sound educated. And you eat. Bit after bit. You fart and you chew and you look and you fart and you're lost in a world you don't recognize because you simply didn’t expose yourself to enough of it.